July 2011 Newsletter
July 2011 FREE Newsletter
www.LivingWithMeaning.com
by Dr. Royce Fitts
Spiritual Counselor, Psychotherapist, Dream Worker
drfitts@livingwithmeaning.com
In This Issue:
1) Spirituality and Health Magazine’s ( www.spiritualityhealth.com ) online newsletter, For Your Health, just published an article written by Royce on men’s health and spirituality. It is titled: Real Men, Real Health, Real Soul. Here is the link:
http://www.spiritualityhealth.com/voices/blogs/for-your-health/article-286.html
(Perhaps you would consider to sign up for the magazine’s three f.ree online newsletters for other thoughtful articles and books on spiritual exploration and growth)
2) July’s Article (below) also focuses on men’s healing and growth with the title,
This Stuff of Which Men and Dreams Are Made
What Think Ye of Men, Dreams and Healing?
(included is an exercise on how to explore your dreams)
3) Spiritual Counseling, Dream Work and Psychotherapy Services
4) Retreats, Workshops, Speaking Events on Spirituality, Dream Work and Meaning of Life Concerns
July’s Article:
THIS STUFF OF WHICH
MEN
AND
DREAMS
ARE MADE…
What Think Ye of Men, Dreams and Healing?
The voice mail message was tired, distant, drained, depressed. Something about the sound and tone “made” me not want to return the call or feel what I felt (His tone “touched” my own stuff, my issues that I wanted to deny/ignore, my shadow.). The caller said his girlfriend encouraged him to “get some help”( If I had a penny for every time I heard some version of that from a man…!!).
Douglas (names and other facts changed to preserve privacy) said he had seen me as a client years ago, when he “was 12 years old or so…for just a few sessions, and we did that sand box thing, where you let me make all kinds of things, like forts and castles and monsters…”. Now in his 20’s, he said he “looked for me all over” and finally found my number. He was “in a dead-end job”, full of anguish, purposeless and pain.
How hard he worked to “get some help”, desperate, hurting, lost…courageous.
This stuff of which men are made…
We worked together for nearly two years, his choice this time, not his prescription-drug dependent mother’s choice or his girl friend’s push (she dumped him several months into the counseling) or his father’s neglect. Douglas hung into this thing called soul work, intent to figure out why he had been so depressed his “whole life”, how to change himself and stop repeating his pattern of wounded relationships.
A year or so into the work, Douglas had the following recurring dream…night after night after night. It haunted, disturbed, distressed and depressed him. He wanted, willed, prayed for it to stop. Yet, his dream maker refused:
I am sitting at a table in my former girlfriend’s parent’s home…they are talking to me, telling me that we can work this out…that we can solve our problems…I am confused…I want to fix this…I wake up…
Douglas was painfully mystified. “I am done”, he says. “I honestly do not want her back. I do not believe the relationship was as good as I had thought and I am healthier to not be in it, but why do I keep having this dream?”
We spent much time on this “strange, up-side down dream”. If what Douglas said was true (and I believed him), why this strange, yearning for the opposites in the dream?
Exactly. That was the point! Douglas’ dream maker was trying to get his attention so he could deeply heal. His past relationship was over, yet it represented for him his unresolved grief over all his lost loves. Douglas, often would reach out to his mother, his father, and others to “be better this time”, to try again to please them, with the secret hope that, at last, “they would be there for me”, if he would only try again and again and again, like a bad dream…
Suddenly, Douglas blurted out, laughing: “It is like my dream is trying to trick me!” Absolutely! The age-old dream trickster comes to Douglas’ rescue! Not to torment Douglas, not to shame him, but to “shock” him into changing himself, his patterns, his life ( Douglas has a very smart dream maker! And YOU do, too!!).
The dream maker, yearning for Douglas to move toward health and wholeness used a trick as old as the dream book itself…to spiritually “trick” Douglas to realize the futility of chasing an illusion to get something which only he can now give himself, not his wounded family or wounded relationships, whether he is 12 or 6 or 1 or 21. Douglas, after futility, gives himself grace, freedom, and the peace of healthy self-love.
What happened? Douglas, during his spiritual counseling experience eventually landed a new job working with “lost kids”, started a vigorous exercise program and reduced significantly his life-long depression and anxiety.
**********
What think ye of men, dreams and healing?
Here is an invitation for men for healing and growth through dreams.
An Exercise for Healing and Growth:
1) Each night prior to sleep, sit on the edge of your bed and, in a moment of quiet reflection, ask your maker of dreams to give you a dream. Relax, it is not important that you force yourself to remember your dreams completely, all at once or even a little. Relax…you will remember as you need. Be gently curious and keep a pen and paper pad near by. Do this every night prior to sleep for a while, like a week or a month. Keep notes about even the slightest hints of dreams, like feelings, memories of dreams, “snatches and fragments”.
2) If you have a trusted friend who will not judge you, ask him (or her) to hear your dream(s). Ask that person to “borrow” your dream and talk about it as if it were HIS/HER dream, not yours. I know, crazy!, but it works! You just listen to your ‘“friendly borrower of your dreams” and let the dream speak to you. You may get an “aha!” by just listening…which may mean that you have found one of the dream’s meanings for you. Plus, the “borrower” will have shared his/her soul with you. Win/win!
Spiritual Counseling, Dream Work and Psychotherapy Services:
Your Meaning of Life…
Are you longing for a life rich with meaning and purpose?
Are you disturbed or curious about the meaning of dreams and open to dream work?
Are you spiritually exhausted, experiencing depression or anxiety in your soul?
Are you missing fulfillment or direction in your life?
Are you in a mid-life crisis?
I offer seasoned spiritual counseling and dream work to assist you in the most important journey of your life.
Contact me at drfitts@livingwithmeaning.com
or call
308.436.2224
Retreats, Workshops, Speaking Events on Spirituality, Dream Work and Meaning of Life Concerns
Are you seeking to understand dreams, how dreams heal and move us toward health and wholeness?
Would you would like to help sponsor or attend a retreat or workshop?
Contact me at drfitts@livingwithmeaning.com
or call
308.436.2224
May 2011 Newsletter
www.LivingWithMeaning.com
by
Dr. Royce Fitts,
Spiritual Counselor, Dream Worker, Psychotherapist
drfitts@livingwithmeaning.com
Tel: 308.436.2224
In this issue:
1) Article: Happy Dreams of Healing, Troubling Dreams of Trouble
2) Plus, please go to my website (www.LivingWithMeaning.com) and read my newest meditation and blog post entitled:
The Zero of God
3) Spiritual Counseling, Dream Work and Psychotherapy Services
4) Retreats, Workshops and Speaking Events
(scroll down to see new speaking dates for May 17, 23 and 25th)
1) Article:
Happy Dreams of Healing
Troubling Dreams of Trouble
(And in the Same Night?
go figure!)
a hard to understand essay
on a hard to understand experience
How and why do we dream? Sometimes dreams seem so profound, so reflective of our healing, telling our deep inner story of resolve, of the years of soul work it may have taken in our waking life to finally move toward health, wholeness and healing. It seems then, we have arrived at peace in our souls, and our dream says—”Good job! Thy good and faithful servant (a bit of random scripture for our thoughts!) You/I/we are healing!”. And then, the next dream…strange, unsettled, maybe violent, scary, troubling. Why? The mystery of dreams, of our inner dream maker. Dreams, it seems, are not predictable, refuse to be controlled by our waking self…almost as if the dream maker is not us, not you, not me…
Sound familiar? Sound like dreams you have had?
Why? Why do our dreams do that? Is this just our crazy, unexplainable inner self tormenting us, that part of us that is wounded from the waking world of pain, war, turmoil, family conflicts, emotional disorders, scars of hurt and anguish? Is this “just” the unconscious acting, like, well, “unconsciously”? Like, there are no real meanings in dreams? Like, there are only random firings of neurons, synapses and electrical impulses that go bump in our brains in the night?
Why do some dreams seem so comforting and some seem so torturous? And, in the same night or soon thereafter?
I wish we knew, wish I knew, wish you knew.
To me, it is a position of faith, faith that our inner self really does know more than our waking self…that my, your inner self, that one we call dream maker, really does know something from the beyond of our awareness of our waking world. It is faith about experiencing something that has, in our experience, shown that it, the dream, contains wisdom, health, healing…in the good, the bad, and the ugly of our dreams.
So, why, then, do these seemingly contradictory dreams come?
I can only offer my perspective, my projection on to the dreams, on to the dream makers.
We are filled with stories, stories of the whole of life, of the whole of existence, the whole of creation. We are a microcosm of a macrocosm. We are a molecule of an atom of a uni-verse and a multi-verse of multi-verses. Fancy, speculative talk. And, based on my experience of growing, healing and changing through dream work, it is true. Perhaps, it is true for you, too. Perhaps not.
It seems as we explore the heavens, we explore our inner uni-verse, our inner multi-verse as well. I am spiritually moved when I watch a deep ocean probe discover new forms of life at the bottom of our oceans, right beneath our feet. I am spiritually moved when I hear of some outer space probe discover a new star, new solar systems, new galaxies…and moved when I discover some new insight into my own soul, when a client gains an insight, changes himself, changes herself and discovers a new healing choice…We are a microcosm of a macrocosm. We are tiny, and tiny affects the big and the big affects the tiny.
So, you have a comforting healing dream and it is true, you are healing, moving toward health and wholeness…and you have a strange, troubling, maybe violent dream, maybe the same night or soon thereafter…perhaps this is a reflection of our on-going creation, of our on-going inner explosions of spiritual novas, soulful black holes, new universes in our spirits, life where we once not thought possible.
The inner reflects the outer, the outer reflects the inner. We are bubbling, exploding with creation and life, both in the earth, on the earth and “out there”…and “in there”, in the light and darkness of our souls. Just as we discover new life, new creations and celebrate, we discover the lurkings of darkness and fear…both the light and the dark invites growth and healing…both the novas and the black holes reflect our souls. Our dreams reflect all our being. Our dreams reflect the beings of life and creation.
Happy dreams of healing.
Troubling dreams of trouble.
I invite you to share yours. Please share your dreams or comments here.
Blessings this day,
Royce
2) Spiritual Counseling, Dream Work and Psychotherapy Services:
Your Meaning of Life…
Are you longing for a life rich with meaning and purpose?
Are you disturbed or curious about the meaning of dreams and open to dream work?
Are you spiritually exhausted, experiencing depression or anxiety in your soul?
Are you missing fulfillment or direction in your life?
Are you in a mid-life crisis?
I offer seasoned spiritual counseling and dream work to assist you in the most important journey of your life.
Contact me at drfitts@livingwithmeaning.com
or call
308.436.2224
3) Retreats, Workshops and Speaking Events
Are you seeking to understand dreams, how dreams heal and always move us toward health and wholeness?
Would you would like to help sponsor or attend a retreat or workshop?
Please call me at 308.436.2224 or email drfitts@livingwithmeaning.com to learn more about retreats, workshops and speaking events
Upcoming Events:
May 17, 2011, at 10 AM, Royce will be speaking at The Village in Scottsbluff, NE on the topic:
DREAMING OURSELVES WELL!
USING OUR NIGHT-TIME DREAMS FOR OUR HEALTH AND WELLNESS
Do Our Night-Time Dreams Really Mean Anything?
How Can We Understand and Use Them?
******
May 23 and 25, 2011, both at 10 AM, Royce will be leading a Wellness Seminar for the employees of the City of Torrington, WY, on the topic of:
Turning SAD into GLAD!!
Stress/Anxiety/Depression
into
Gratitude, Laughter, Awareness, Dreams
The Zero of God
A Meditation on Stillness
5/12/2011
We sat in a small circle not saying much at all. Somehow, the stillness became the moment, became the topic, became the way to be…one person shared, quietly, how this moment reminded her of childhood; that when she was left alone, she would seek out her private place of peace, would climb a nearby tree, her favorite tree, her private tree, her tree friend and would just sit and sit and sit in the arms of this old, giant friend and sway in the gentle breezes. Listening to the crinkle of leaves, brushed by the wind. She would talk to God then, transcending time and space, feeling, believing, knowing she was resting in God.
Another shared, how in this quiet moment of being still, she, not often able to feel peace, not often able to move into the quietness of her soul, so blocked by years of painful labor to simply survive, was able, this day, to “borrow” the images of her friend and “imagine” herself in the tree…trusting to rest in the arms of the tree…
I, too, remembered…remembered how, as a young boy, I would gaze up, up through the huge branches of an old cottonwood tree from far down below…sitting and drifting in my old rope swing, supported by the old tree…letting it sing to me with the music of waxy leaves and lazy breezes…
Someone remembered the ancient Hebrew scripture, the ancient Psalm, “Be still and know…”
How the words seemed odd, simple, so profound. What does it mean, to be still and know…?
Perhaps the ancient Hebrew implied that it is in our “letting go”, in our “dropping our hands” and stopping, in owning our “giving up” from the depths of our soul, that we can, then, mysteriously “know”…how to “be”, how to be held in “stillness”…
One understanding of addictions is that the substance, the compulsion, the activity that we use to unhealthy extreme which comes to dominate our souls is really an attempt, a false attempt, to “ease ourselves”, to calm our soul, to be still, a false way of “knowing”, to quiet the anxiety of our wounded soul.
Who would guess, who would think that the way to heal the soul’s anxiety is “to be still”, to rest in the tree, to be…
A thought emerged that day, that this is the “zero of God”, that this moment, this moment of resting, listening to the crinkle of leaves in the brushing of wind is the stillness of healing, calming the anxiety, dropping our hands, stopping, moving to zero, and being held.
May we move toward zero.
Everything Happens for a Reason
“Everything Happens for a Reason”…
by Dr. Royce Fitts
Spiritual Counselor, DreamWorker, Psychotherapist
Ever say that? Believe that?
Many, many people do, really do, believe in that phrase…
Maybe you are one? Maybe not?
OK, please follow me. Here is the scene:
I was watching last night (4/26/11), a bit of Dancing With the Stars, you know, THAT show on Fox TV?
Well, one of the (superb, of course) entertainers appearing to sing was a beautiful, young woman, a talented singer, named Pia, who was rejected from American Idol just last week.
Fair enough. Well, in the gentle “give and take” banter between the host and Pia about the irony/oddness of her being rejected by American Idol and now, just a week later, is appearing on Dancing With the Stars, she blurts out her belief system!
Yeah, really she did!
How do you blurt out your belief system in a brief instant on nationwide TV? Well, she said in response to the host about the irony/oddness of her being rejected by one, and then included by another, as:
“Well, everything happens for a reason…” And in her gracious, giddy, perhaps, ego centric manner, went on to describe that “all this was meant to be…”.
Really?
There is a lot of that going around these days.
Now, I was also watching a bit of CNN at the same time…channel surfing the news and entertainment stuff. Not a good habit, but, so what? It is fun, sort of.
I was watching the coverage of the awful Syrian government reaction of violently attacking and killing common, freedom-seeking Syrian citizens…
Tragic, painful, depressing.
I had in mind, too, this day, of being with some of my amazing clients, those ones who, against the tide, are working towards healing their souls. One of whom, when she was barely two years old, believes she saw her mother murdered…and, some forty years later, is doing her best to be a healer for self AND others. Amazing, she is…(I use her experience here with her permission.)
I had in my mind, too, this day, of experiencing one of the scariest moments I have ever had while driving my Nebraska highways…OUT OF NOWHERE I ran into a highway flooded full of snow/slush/water/ice and spun, fish-tailed, sled and, finally, stopped in the borrow-pit, along side the road, unhurt, undamaged and stunned with the crazy question of “What WAS that???”
So, last night, while watching TV, I listened to Pia’s thoughts…everything happens for a reason…???
I tried them on, her thoughts. I thought Pia’s thoughts.
So, in the five or so BILLION years of Life, God, Creator creating this little part of the universe, this little part of the solar system, that, after all that amazing creativity and patient evolving of life and form and rock and sea and molecule and cell and light and dark…Life, God, Creator planned and intended for Pia to, first be rejected from American Idol then “move across the hall to sing with Dancing With the Stars”…?
Because, everything happens for a reason…?
Because, the people who are fighting oppression were killed today in Syria…
Because, my client’s mother was murdered…
Because, Royce does NOT have a car accident…
And Pia has wonderful music…
In the five billion years of creation-to-date…
Everything happens for a reason…
Really??
(Let’s dialogue about this…I will value your comments.)
Big Cowboys Do Cry…
A Prairie Meditation
4/2/2011
He pulls his cowboy hat down, covering his eyes. I barely can see his chin, then it quivers. He’s silent.
He’s crying.
He’s seventeen. Embarrassed. A big seventeen.
It has been a tense counseling session and it just started. His mother, sitting close by, wants to do mom-things, parent-things, tender things, like reach out and touch, say something, caring. Understandable, of course. But, I signal, awkwardly, to stop, to wait, to not disrupt him. Let him be, let him feel, let him quietly cry…
I have known him for years, maybe since he was twelve or so. Watched him grow. Watched him through his mother’s eyes, mostly. Began to hear, little by little, secret by secret of the awful pain and horror living in their home.
A daddy who wasn’t a daddy. A man who wasn’t a man. Who lost his manhood, his fatherhood, his husbandhood through his cursings, his threats, his assaults. He would not stop, chose not to stop until he was slowly, painfully evicted by the woman who hated to quit, hated to give up, who wanted a family like a family should be…and it was never to be, not with him, couldn’t be with him. She quit. Finally. But, not before a toll had been taken, on her, her children, on this handsome, ornery, playful…and very angry, wounded seventeen year old cowboy.
“I am becoming like my dad”, he quietly weeps…and he tells us how he is ashamed, feels his self-described worthlessness, failures and his torments of being trapped to “be like him”. His awful dilemia. He needs a daddy. He can’t have one. And he can’t, doesn’t want to be like the one who made him.
He’s brave to face this within himself. Brave to stop, we hope (!) this “easy” slide, this easy choice to “just be like my dad”…this young cowboy has hard, hard choices to make himself different, to grieve the loss of his birth dad, to move himself through the horrible, dark swamp of pain, anger, worthlessness and into fresh water, fresh choices of a new self and life. He seems so determined, yet the mistakes he has thus far made frighten him and he quits, gives up time and time again. But, this day, this day that he silently weeps is different. And our prayers, his mom’s, mine and most importantly, his own, for himself give him hope.
Will you join in this yearning for him, for all the weeping cowboys who have this unfair, yet, hopeful path to create a new self?
April 2011 Newsletter
www.LivingWithMeaning.com
April, 2011
Monthly Newsletter
by
Dr. Royce Fitts,
Spiritual Counselor, DreamWorker, Psychotherapist
Tel: 308.436.2224
In this issue:
1) Article: Walter and the Meaning of Life
2) Spiritual Counseling, DreamWork and Psychotherapy Services
3) Retreats, Workshops and Speaking Events
4) Announcing: Dream Retreat with Dr. Jeremy Taylor (http://www.jeremytaylor.com/) and Billie Ortiz in Loveland Colorado, April 29-May 1, 2001
For more information click here: http://wakeuptoyourdreams.com/services.html
1) Article:
Walter
and the
Meaning of Life
(part I)
D. Royce Fitts, D. Min.
I’m surprised I remember him.
It’s not like I spent a lot of time with him, probably less than two hours total. In many ways, Walter is just like the scores of some other men with whom I’ve dealt. He’s a good guy, pretty screwed up, lost in his life, and just wants to make a living, go home, chop some wood, have a beer.
But, something about Walter (not his real name) would not let me go. He looked intriguing enough. Big, very big, full beard. Unshaped, untrimmed, hid most of his face. Walter was scruffy, very scruffy. Kinda dirty, too. “Worked since I was fourteen”, he said, in his breathy, growley-can’t-breathe-very-well voice. “The longest I ever went without a job was, maybe, ten days.” He was proud of that, you could hear it in his voice. And, he was 59 years old.
Now, though, life had taken a toll, extracted a toll from Walter.
We went around the circle of men and asked each man to share, the best he could, what beliefs he held about himself. “Like, what?? What do you mean? Beliefs?” Every man said this by looks, by sighs, by words. “Yeah, beliefs. What do you believe about yourself? What beliefs do you have about you?”
It was a strange question and exercise. A hard question. Who of us could ever ask and answer a question like that?
The men, as would you and I, stumbled, fumbled and bumbled through awkward answers. Walter wanted to avoid it, too, like all of us. Then he just said it… “I don’t expect to live long…I figure I am going to die sometime soon. My brother died two years ago, my father died when he was forty-eight. I am next. I wake up in the mornings and hurt like hell, can hardly walk. My joints ache. I can’t breath. I have diabetes. I try to watch what I eat, take my meds. I got fired from my job two months ago and proud I got another one in less than a week. I figure since I knew I was going to die, all I wanted to do was to be left alone, drink my beer. Now, can’t even do that.”
That’s all. All he wanted.
‘Cause I’m a shrink, I thought I’d challenge him. No, on second thought, not because I am a shrink…I will be honest. He got me. Right in the groin of meaning. Yep. Can’t say it any clearer than that.
I wanted to challenge him, challenge his thinking, challenge his beliefs. “Is that all there is, Walter?”, I wanted to ask him…for me, for you, for us:
What if there were some changes you could make in your thinking, in your beliefs about your self, about the “script” you were given, or sold, or inherited. What if you could change your diet, change your life, just a bit, and it made you healthier, just a bit healthier? Would it be worth it to you?
It was a strange, sobering moment for me. Walter just accepted it, this script of life…this script of death. He just wanted to live and die like he knew he would, was told he would.
Something about his “fate by choice”, believing he had no choice gripped me. Still does. This, of course, flies in the face of all my spiritual, humanistic and existential belief systems. C’mon, I wanna believe we have some freedom, that, in the face of what looks like fate and stark determinism, IT does not have a lock on our souls.
It is not that I do not believe (now, be patient and follow me, please) that Walter had no choices…it is that Walter BELIEVED that he BELIEVED he had no choices. That, as they say, goes deep to the bone. And my soul could not, does not want to accept that. Because, then it becomes about me, about you, about us.
We, with all our might do not want Walter to be right. We want to believe that we have some power in this life, in this death. We fear that if we run and crash into the mirror, what we will see is a shattered and cutting illusion, a mere reflection of our psychic inventions, that life, indeed, is fixed.
Walter hooks all my old evangelistic zeal to fight off that which I fear most: We, I can’t do it, can’t be free, can’t make meaning and purpose. The fear of being trapped. Can you imagine?
Whoa, if that is true, that sucks.
Are you longing for a life rich with meaning and purpose?
Are you disturbed or curious about the meaning of dreams and open to dream work?
Are you spiritually exhausted, experiencing depression or anxiety in your soul?
Are you missing fulfillment or direction in your life?
I offer seasoned spiritual counseling and dream work to assist you in the most important journey of your life.
Contact me at drfitts@livingwithmeaning.com
or call
308.436.2224
I love to work with people wherever you live!
I offer local in-office sessions, long-distance telephone and video therapy, dream retreats and workshops.
- Are you trying to create and discover your meaning of life?
- Are you needing to resolve life conflicts, heal from grief, divorce recovery, or wounded relationships?
- Are you struggling with mid-life crisis?
- Are you wanting to understand the meaning of dreams and use dream work and spiritual counseling to explore healing in relationships and enhance your professional fulfillment?
3)
Would you would like to help sponsor or attend a retreat or workshop?
Please call me at 308.436.2224 or email drfitts@livingwithmeaning.com to learn more about retreats, workshops and speaking events.
January 2010 Newsletter
by D. Royce Fitts, D. Min., LMFT
always, it seems, as the winter winds whips across the prairie, i am drawn to wonder about her…i wonder how she is…what she ended up doing…did she heal…enough?
i recall, one day in a session…she was quite, emotionally frozen…weeping softly…it seemed that any movement i did would startle her beyond repair…in her silence, i thought of a scripture story…a jesus story, one that today, eludes me as i am writing…something about gentle compassion, i am sure…something about the yearning and healing of a soul….
so, i quietly say, “i am going to move to my bookshelf…get my new testament and read you a story”…in whispering movements, i walk across the room and take my favorite, wrinkled paperback new testament and let the pages fall open to this now forgotten story…i remember reading to her…wanting her to just stay still and know…what? that she is more than the anguish she feels…that she is accepted just as she feels…that someone, maybe me, maybe jesus, maybe herself most of all, will accept her wounded, yearning soul to become alive again…
and that is how she described herself, not alive, but dead…
dead in her soul…
and, now as i am writing, i remember the jesus story!!
the story…lazarus!
and, the story goes, that when jesus heard about his friend dying, jesus wept…that’s all…
just wept,
simple, painful, beautiful tears…
jesus wept…
“the shortest verse in the bible”, we were taught in sunday school…
of course, as the scripture legend goes, it does not end here, or there…that jesus broke the rules of life and death…that jesus went to the tomb, perhaps, sobbing…and jesus bellowed out his grief…”lazarus, come here!!”…and the folks around, family, friends, others yelled back, “no! he stinketh! for he has been dead three days!”…but, it did not matter…the rules of death, and the rules of family, friends, others did not matter…
lazarus came forth, from the voice of a loving friend and cousin…
“unwrap him!” jesus yelled…for he was all wrapped up, as a mummy…unable to freely move…breathe…live…
one deep winter night when she could not sleep, when, even in indiana where she lived, the winds blew fierce through the forests and across the farmlands…she wrote in her journal, “i can’t sleep…all i hear is the howling of the wind…it feels like my soul…”
“the howling of my soul…”
haunting, haunting this was to me…and that was near twenty years ago…
and, now, the howling of the winds blows across this january land…bringing wonders and prayers for her…
and for all of us who know what it is like to die and come back to life again…
before i left indiana to come here to this priarie land, she renamed herself…unwrapped the bonds around her soul…she created a new family, new friends, new rules to live by…she called herself from her own tomb, with a new name, a new self…she called herself (and this is not her full new name, for her privacy and identity are preserved)
“free”…
yes, free…
and, on this deep winter january day, to her, i bow…
–
Dr. D. Royce Fitts
***********************************
Sign-up for my F.REE Monthly Newsletter and Receive this F.REE article: “How to Manage Stress Through Understanding Your Dreams!”
Just click to my website to sign-up: www.LivingWithMeaning.com
Thanks!
D. Royce Fitts, D. Min., LMFT
Spiritual Counselor and Psychotherapist
email: drfitts@livingwithmeaning.com
PO Box 363
Gering, NE 69341
Tel: (308) 436.2224
Cell: (308) 631.2398
November 2009 Newsletter
In this issue:
3) Counseling and Consulting Services
NEW! – “HOW TO SURVIVE THE HOLIDAYS” VIDEO!
November 6-7, 2009, Denver, CO: Rocky Mountain/Plains Fall Regional Meeting of the American Association of Pastoral Counselors. Royce will be leading an introductory workshop on Projective Dream Work on Saturday, Nov. 7. For more information, email drfitts@livingwithmeaning.com.
New! Please register soon! January 15-17, 2010, Pendle Hill Retreat and Conference Center, Wallingford, PA (near Philadelphia). This beautiful and historic Quaker center serves as the perfect winter setting for dreaming and deep dream work. The warmth of a fire, the trust of a circle of Friends invites us to experience a weekend of spiritual growth, healing and restoration of our souls through the gentle process of Projective Dream Work. Royce leads us through the weekend entitled: In Your Dreams!! Let the Dreams of Your Life Create the Life of Your Dreams! For more information, go to this Pendle Hill web-page: http://pendlehill.org/workshops/winter-2010/217-in-your-dreams, or email drfitts@livingwithmeaning.com .
Counseling, Retreat and Workshop Services:
November Newsletter Article:
Mid-life, as they say, is a crisis! Sometimes one big crisis. Sometimes a whole mess of ‘em. No matter how often we are reminded that the flow of life demands we fire our retro-rockets to take the necessary corrective actions to stay on course, or, perhaps, more often, to take a new course–alas, we forget!
Sure, we are told time and time again, it is a time for soul searching, this mid-life thing. It will make us better; a better woman, a better man. It will make us more honest, have more integrity. Our inner self will more match the outer self, or visa versa, or something like that.
It, also, as one man recently told me, sucks. “Mid-life hurts”, he said. “It takes way too long to get better…”.
I had worked in therapy with a family for several years, each partner exploring the various and important stories of their respective families of origin, seeking to “make it better” for their children, seeking to heal some of their wounds in order to not “accidentally” inflict these wounds upon their children. It ain’t easy, is it? One of their children cooperated enormously by misbehaving in some very creative ways to keep her parents in therapy. I owe her. Her parents owe her much more!
One day, when the children were not in the session, the husband and wife sought some ”adult time”, as I call it. The dad, Daniel, as I will call him, was depressed. He was a health care professional at the top of his game. He had the respect, admiration and even some envy of his colleagues. The people he cared for deeply appreciated his professional knowledge and caring skill. He was a kind of artist in his craft. In fact, one of the loves of his life was to relax by playing classical music on his old grand piano. A-hhh…such a life of meaning…maybe.
What was it? What drove him to work all those hours? What never let him say ”no” to the increasing demands from his work? Why was he angry at times for no, or little, reason? He felt taken advantage of by the ”powers that be”, not being listened to, even challenged that he was not holding up to his end of the bargain, the contracts. ”What?!”, he would exclaim, “me, not doing my share?”. And he was, doing more than his share. But, something was amiss. He was not being accredited for all his work. “Productivity”, as they called it, was down. No matter what, he could not please “them”, his superiors, his bosses, and even worse, his inner self.
Depression. It is a good thing. No, really, it is. I sometimes tell clients, after they describe their life situation to me, that if they weren’t depressed, they’d be crazy! What they are describing is depressing. Depression is a healthy response to an unhealthy situation.
And then, one night Daniel dreamed…
I am in the living room with my father, visiting…he is younger, maybe in his 50′s… I am present age …suddenly, I hear a loud racket and into the room bursts a small boy, maybe 5 or 6 years of age… I do not know him… he skirted through the living room, through the door of the adjoining kitchen…the child appeared strong and fast…his steps were deliberate and loud … I turned toward my father, in amazement,and asked, “who was that?” … my father, perplexed, responded, “ I don’t know”…we trailed behind this determined child into the kitchen…the minute he spotted us, he bolted out the door into the hallway and up the stairs … amazed, I stated, “that little guy is fast”…as we were staring at each other, I asked “what is that kid’s problem?”…
at the next moment we both heard a loud banging noise from the upstairs…we scurried up the flight of stairs and found the young child in one of the bedrooms…as we entered the bedroom it seemed we had him cornered…this is when I was able to get my first look at the boy…he was a handsome, well-featured child but with a sad, hallowed look and pale, sunken eyes…as we approached carefully, much to our dismay, the little youngster skirted between the two of us into another bedroom in the house…he did this at least three more times…the second level of this house was becoming all to familiar … I wondered, as my father did, when would the resolve of this little one finally wear down?…
at last, at the end of the long hallway, the little boy was trapped beneath a modern-looking chair with thin, metal legs…he crouched beneath this chair, almost in a fetal position…we approached, with utmost trepidation, this desperate boy….the first question I asked was, “what do you want?”…as the tears quickly welled-up in his eyes, he calmly stated, in a mostly flattened tone, “I just want you to love me”…in utter disbelief, of my own ignorance, a spark of recognition tugged at my soul… I realized this little boy was me…immediately I swooped up the child into my arms and stated, most emphatically, “of course I’ll love you!”… my father, who was looking on, said nothing, but also had tears flowing down his cheeks…then I awakened…
Royce